Strength

Whew! It's been almost three months since I last wrote! I wish I could say that is because I have been working so hard to think of profound things to express in this blog, but that is not the case. Actually I've been focusing on different areas of my life, trying to find a balance between everything I love and am passionate about. I can't say that I've accomplished that, but on the positive side I've decided that I can no longer sideline my writing in the process. Doing so is counterproductive to my goals, because I dream of writing on a more serious basis. Someday.

So what to discuss now? I think I'd like to discuss something that is difficult for me to write about, but which has been on my mind a lot lately: the ability of both strength and weakness to hurt others. I am told that I come off as a very strong woman; I seem sure of myself, confident, and able to accomplish. Interestingly enough, I have to stifle laughs and hold back tears when I hear such things. They seem so ridiculous that I can't hold my amusement in check. They are so grossly distant from the way I feel inside that I become almost unbearably sad.

Why do I become sad? I've pondered this at length. I think it is because when people come off as strong, others seem to disregard that they can be hurt. Indeed, strong people can be crushed. I sometimes wonder how people would speak to me if they knew I was fragile, or at least acknowledged it openly. Would they be kinder with their words? Would I like that or would it bother me as something less than genuine, knowing that they would not be so kind if I were the same person, but stronger?

I stated at the beginning of this post that both strength and weakness can hurt. I believe this is because strength leads us to forget that others are fragile, while weakness entices us to destroy those we perceive as being strong. The most complicating factor is that I believe we are all both weak and strong at the same time. We can choose to be either strong or weak at any moment. Our very actions can be further subdivided as strong in some ways, and weak in others.

Before subdividing this issue further and making it increasingly complicated, I'll say what I'm really thinking at this moment: that strength and weakness both have important roles in our lives. It is through admitting and living our weaknesses that we develop compassion. It is through strength that we overcome our weaknesses and can lift others with whom we identify. Strength and weakness, when working together within the individual, can heal and enliven rather than damage and destroy. And I, for one, am thankful for them both.